An Interview (not what you think, darling)

Sigh. Humanity is severely disappointing these days. They think I am approachable, so they walk up to and interview me. I have avoided people like them before, but I finally made an exception for one clever, happy child.
I guided her to my favorite cafe, ordered myself and her delicious blueberry cake, sat in a table farthest from the crowd, adjusted my straw hat, and nodded.
Child: Excuse me, Madam, but I did not catch your name.
Raven: The name is Raven.
Child: Good afternoon, Ms. Raven. My name is Simone.
Raven: Dear, be quick. I do not have all day.
Simone: When was the last time you killed someone?
Raven: Last week, I recall.
Simone: Please describe that time.
Raven: The name of a friend of mine is Elle, and Elle had a plan to kill Mae and her husband at their wedding. When Mae entered the garden, Elle and perhaps 100 other people shot her. The 100 people included me.
Simone: Why do you kill?
Raven: To rid of ennui.
Simone: What are you doing when you are not killing?
Raven: Eating, sleeping, taking a shower, the usual.
Simone: What would you do if I cursed all your pets without your permission?
Raven: Lead you to the chopping block, of course.
Simone: Are you still friends with Elle?
Raven: I do not talk to her that much, but when I do, I whisper a name of a future victim that comes to mind and she will hatch a plan to kill that victim.
Simone: Who is more dangerous, you or Elle?
Raven: Me, because I have more weapons.
Simone: What is your favorite pastime?
Raven: Killing.
Simone: Other than killing?
Raven: Excuse me?
Simone: Sorry, Ms. Raven, but all I know about you is that you are an expert killer.
Raven: I like shopping.
Simone: Why is that?
Raven: To disguise myself.
Simone: Have you ever hurt your friends to accomplish something?
Raven: I killed a friend.
Simone: Really?
Raven: You do not want to know.
Simone: K.
Raven: K.
Simone: What is your name?
Raven: Are you testing me to see if I am not lying in these questions?
Simone: How good are you at spotting a lie and lying?
Raven: I am both a good lie detector and a good liar.
Simone: Am I lying right now?
Raven: No, because lies take the form of answers.
Simone: Have you ever almost been caught by the police?
Raven: No, I am too fast.
Simone: Have you ever almost been killed?
Raven: No, I am too fast and charismatic.
Simone: Who told you to kill?
Raven: Myself.
Simone: Are you a spy?
Raven: Perhaps.
Simone: Do you have another job?
Raven: I like writing fake news reports.
Simone: Have you ever been caught writing fake news reports?
Raven: No.
Simone: Do you have a job that is not illegal?
Raven: Teaching.
Simone: Teaching who?
Raven: The innocent children what and what not to do in quadratic formulas.
I looked out the window and spotted a familiar limousine. I glared at Simone.
Raven: Do not tell anyone this ever happened.
Simone: How do you know you can trust me?
Raven: Because I know.
Simone silently bit a piece of the blueberry cake. I hopped out of my chair and ran out the cafe, making sure no one else saw me.
Simone: Hey! Are you going to finish the cake?!
Raven: No.
I slammed the door and approached the limo. It was shiny and black, like an obsidian, and there was a large K on the doors, inked in gold paint.
I heard footsteps behind me. I listened to the sneakers hitting the road and keys clinking in the air. I realized who it was and turned to the person.
Raven: Simone, now is not the time to stalk me.
Simone: I am not Simone!
Raven: You just told me you are Simone.
Simone: I am still not Simone!
Raven: So you were testing if I was lying but you were lying too, dear.
Simone: I am Simone, but I am not Simone.
Raven: Prove it.
I opened the door to the passenger seat of the limo, got in, and closed it. But Simone managed to squeeze in.
Raven: You are not allowed to do that--
Limo driver: DUSTY, GET OUT!!
I glanced at the driver.
Raven: Tammie, who and where is Dusty?
Tammie: Inside.
Raven: Whoever Dusty is cannot be in this car.
Tammie: She is!
Tammie pointed at Simone.
Raven: Simone is Dusty?
Tammie: Dusty is her real name. She uses her fake name Simone 99.9 percent of the time. She is a spy.
Raven: She looks too young to be a spy. '
Tammie: Young? She is 23 years old!
Simone: That is not true! I am just a child! You are accusing me of something I never did!
Tammie: Why did you come here then, Dusty?
Simone: I--I thought it was the car of my daddy!
Tammie yanked the hair of Simone. It snapped off.
Raven: Oh, you were talking about that Dusty.
Simone gazed at Tammie angrily. Her familiar auburn pigtails were hard to ignore. In a split second, I recognized her.
Dusty: No!
Tammie: The secret is out. You cannot do anything about it. Now GET OUT OR DIE.
Dusty: Please no! I will do anything to keep my life!
Tammie and I exchanged looks.
Raven: Anything?
Dusty: Yes! Even quit my spy job!
Raven: Hmm.
Tammie: Then do not--
Raven: Tell--
Tammie: Anyone--
Raven: This actually happened.
I punched the door open and shoved Dusty out. I shut the door and Tammie drove away.
Sigh. Humanity is severely disappointing these days. Especially the children. They think they are smart, but they really have an IQ of a sack of rotten potatoes.
Oh, well. Once Elle decides which very intelligent human to kill next, we can continue on our mission, and people will know who the boss is.
Mwahaha...