How to Write Romance

A Little Tutorial About Love


???or, writing it, anyway.


There are 14 basic characteristics of love to keep in mind as you write romance. Follow them and you'll be sure you're heading in the right direction.

1. Love is??? patient
2. Love is??? kind
3. Love does not??? envy
4. Love does not??? boast
5. Love is not??? arrogant
6. Love is not??? rude
7. Love does not??? insist on its own way
8. Love does not??? rejoice in wrongdoing
9. Love??? rejoices in truth
10. Love??? bears all things
11. Love??? believes all things
12. Love??? hopes all things
13. Love??? endures all things
14. Love never ends

All the characteristics listed above describes the awe-inspiring perfect love. In Greek, that love would be called agape (uh-gaw-pay)???or, unconditional, no strings attached, no flaws. But, even as perfect humans do not exist, perfect love does not either, not in the real world at least. Except for in one single circumstance, but I shan't go into that. So unless you're writing an extremely "shojo" style romance, as in, sparkles and roses, boy is hot girl is cute, Mary Sues all around, you must break some of these laws. What? What does this mean? Breaking of the characteristics of love leads to conflict.

As I'm sure you know, every story must have conflict. So whether your romance is only a side plotline or the main focus, to have it be believable, there must be conflict. Break characteristic 1, for example???have one or both of them be impatient, intolerant of mistakes, demanding, unable to wait, unaccepting.
Break characteristic 10, for example???instead of bearing with each other, as that time old wedding vow says, "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part", make one or both be unreliable.

Perhaps the most popular characteristic of love to break is characteristic 3, love does not envy. Often this leads to love triangles and the like.


Internal and external are the only two categories of conflict related to romance. Every kind of conflict can fit into one or the other. Internal means emotional problems within the relationship. External is more physical of a conflict???a factor that can make the relationship problematic. For example, sickness, social status, ethnicity, age.

Example of internal conflict:
A girl dating a boy but not knowing if he loves her or is using her.
A good example is the ever-popular book Twilight. Edward leaving Bella for her own good is internal conflict because it occurs within/between the characters themselves, they are responsible for it.

Example of external conflict:
The landlord telling the couple they must evict.
A great example of external conflict is the time old tale of Romeo and Juliet, whose families hated each other and would not allow them to be with each other. This is external because it is incited or caused by something outside the characters involved in the romance.

Breaking 1-3 of the characteristics of love can create needed conflict for the romance to be realistic. However, not all of the broken characteristics must be mended for love to be real. Remember that people aren't perfect, and neither are characters.

(Note???Characteristic 10, love bears all things, is not to be confused with characteristic 13, love endures all things. "Bears" is: toleration and encouragement about your partner's flaws; in other words, it relates to internal conflict. Characteristic 12, "endures", relates to external conflict. You bear your internal conflict, your endure your external conflict.

And as for characteristic 13, love never ends??? in real life, people CAN fall out of love. But for all intents and purposes, in romance novels the whole "love is undying" concept is rather fundamental.)



Something important!
Fluff/ A story with no plot, only humorous or romantic nonsense. Very cute, makes you go "aww".

Fluff can be the killer or maker of romance in a story. Romance cannot be 100% fluff, unless you intend for it to be in the first place.

However, I advice that well-balanced romance should not be completely fluff-free. Fluff can help lighten a dark period or scene in your book and let you know that the protagonists do love each other, even with the conflict warring around them. For you Hunger Games fans, think about Katniss kissing Peeta repeatedly in the cave as they smiles and cuddled. That is fluff.

If a story is meant to be extremely dark or grim, fluff is probably best to avoid.



On an ending note???
Even little children can tell the difference between who is their friend and who is not. Actions make or break it. Your characters can talk all they want and tell each other they love them, but unless there is a physical representation of this "love", it is not real. I do not necessarily mean kissing, holding hands, or sleeping together. These things, while sometimes being the result of love, by themselves do not always mean it is love. Sacrifices are necessary.

Misconception alert: "sacrifice" does not always mean giving your life; "sacrifice" is giving up something of your own personal comfort in favor of your partner. In other words, "sacrifice" is a fancy word for give-and-take. Taking off your coat in the rain for them, giving them your lunch; these are small-scale sacrifices. Compromise is something that, while most people don't think of it as one, is a form of sacrifice. You'll want to spend time with those you love, and believe it or not, that is a form of sacrifice as well.

So sacrifice/give-and-take is imperative, because after all, actions speak louder than words. If there is not a balance of giving and taking in relationships, then something is wrong. Make sure your characters are not tipped in one direction. You need a homeostasis, if you will.



Bonus Infodump
There are four things that can damage a relationship and four things that can strengthen it. (This doesn't just apply to love now, but friendship as well.)

Let's start with the damaging. Each of the four damaging factors slowly lead to one another, building up on top of each other, leading to broken relationships.
Seeking praise + controlling + judging + rejecting = broken relationships

It builds up similarly with healthy ones.
Humbling self + trust + accepting + giving = healthy relationships

Keep these two equations in mind as you write your romance.



In conclusion???

All of us have been called to live in freedom. Not freedom to do as we please and satisfy ourselves but to serve one another in love. Remember to judge characters with the same morals you judge Real Life People with. What flaws would you notice and dislike in your character were he or she real? Consider every partnership you've ever been in. I'm sure you were somewhat blind to the flaws in it, in the hope your relationship would succeed. This is how your characters should see their own relationship. Eager to make it work, desperate for happiness, perhaps a touch of denial, especially if things are going badly instead of well. If it's going well, they should be content.

Now consider every relationship you've ever observed. We all judge them, you know it's true. (Instead of "judging", let's say "observation".) Consider the flaws you noticed. Consider whether you thought the relationship was healthy or not, and why. Even in fantasy or sci-fi worlds, when it comes to romance, morals still apply. It comes down to treating others as you would yourself. What would your boyfriend or girlfriend have to say or do to comfort you and make you happy?

Write your own romance. Then it'll be believable.






HOMEWORK TIME! What did you learn?


1. There are ___ characteristics of love.
A. 13
B. 12
C. 14
D. 8

2. The Greek word agape means _____.

3. To create conflict, you must ___ some characteristics of love.

4. The broken characteristic that most often creates love triangles is ___.

5. Define internal conflict.

6. Define external conflict.

7. She keep lying to her boyfriend. (Internal/external?)

8. He's a prince, she's a farmgirl. (Internal/external?)

9. Fluff is:
A. Erotic material
B. Cute pointlessness
C. The only sign of true love
D. A form of poetry

10. Fluff if always a terrible thing in formal writing. (True/false?)

11. ___ proves love is real.
A. Roses
B. Words
C. Kisses
D. Actions

12. ___, also known as give-and-take, is essential to maintain a healthy, balanced relationship.

13. ___ + controlling + ___ + rejecting = ___

14. ___ + trusting + accepting + ___ = ___

15. The best source of reality in romance is your own ___.


Answer Key
1. C
2. Perfect love
3. Break
4. Characteristic 3, or love does not envy
5. Conflict that occurs within the relationship
6. Conflict that originates from outside sources
7. Internal
8. External
9. B
10. False
11. D
12. Sacrifice
13. Seeking praise, judging, broken relationships
14. Humbling self, giving, healthy relationships
15. Observations

I hope this little tutorial has helped you out; it was fun to write, and good luck with all your story writing goodiness. --Max