Sign Up
 
Log In
635 Players Online
13:25:38 MST
Sign Up or Log In With:
Facebook
Google
Marapets is mobile friendly
Marapets is mobile friendly
TillDeathDies
  1. Writing Samples
    6th Apr 2012 18:40
    12 years, 8 months & 21 days ago
  2. How to Write Romance
    30th Nov 2011 13:14
    13 years & 28 days ago
Writing Samples
12 years, 8 months & 21 days ago
6th Apr 2012 18:40

For those who are considering whether or not to roleplay with me, here's a sample of my writing.



Crack! Amy's head hit the stone. Pain exploded behind her eyes. She slowly curled into a ball, the only thing she could do at this point to protect her battered body from any more assault.

He walked toward her slowly, a saunter in his step, utter confidence on his face. Rich nudged her in the ribs with his foot. He lifted an eyebrow. "Come on, Amy. Get on up, now. We aren't finished."

She coughed, bile at the back of her throat. "R-Rich... stop this... just..."

"We had a deal, you know." He crouched beside her. "You're the one who didn't follow through. At least I'm giving you a fighting chance, you know; it's more than you deserve."

"Deserve?" Despite feeling like a giant bruise, Amy's anger overcame pain. Her head jerked up, nostrils flaring. "Deserve! That's funny. Because you're the one who so clearly stands by justice."

"Ha, ha." He noticed her hand moving. When the metal flashed through the air, he did not so much as flinch from surprise, grabbing her wrist in his giant hand as the knife clattered to the ground. "You irritate me when you try to be clever."

Rich paused; the knife had given him new inspiration. He reached for it, saying, "Yeah, justice; perhaps I don't stand by it so closely, but neither do you, deary. You had an amount to pay me, you were forwarned, and you didn't make it by the due date." He smiled. "That doesn't seem very just. Now does it."

Amy bared her teeth, glaring up at him from beneath her bangs. "I despise you."

"It's mutual, darling." He held up the knife, letting it glint in the light. "Let me leave you something to remember me by." His grip still tight on her wrist, he pulled her in close.

Tsaram
But I loved it c:
112 years, 8 months & 21 days ago 7th Apr 2012 06:02
 
Tsaram
The two things that stood out for me (other than saunter) was "She slowly" and "toward her slowly" seemed too close. I'm not one for reading the same word twice within 20 seconds. Same for "to the ground" and "in the ground."
112 years, 8 months & 21 days ago 7th Apr 2012 06:02
 
Very good! I was just going to glance over it but I ended up reading it all xD
I'd love to read more
Have a few pointers:

A saunter is like a slow, leisurely walk, so your line "a saunter in his step" does not quite make sense.
And the last line seems a little off because you use the word "ground" twice, but that first line would be easy to edit, like "He shoved her down" or something.
112 years, 8 months & 21 days ago 7th Apr 2012 05:01
 
  1. Writing Samples
    6th Apr 2012 18:40
    12 years, 8 months & 21 days ago
  2. How to Write Romance
    30th Nov 2011 13:14
    13 years & 28 days ago