-my quotes-

Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has NEVER tried taking candy from a baby.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

War doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left.

I ounce prayed for a bike, but quickly found out he didn't work that way...so i stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

Parent spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than standing a garage makes you a car.

A computer ounce beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

My mother never saw the irony of calling me a son-of-a-beich

I'm tirred of all this nonsence about being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas.

Murderer? Well, that's a harsh word. I prefer to think of myself as a mortallity technician.

Dictionary:the only place marriage comes before sex anymore.

A diplomatic husband said to his wife,"How do you expect me to remember you birthday when you never look any older?"

I used to wonder what was so holy about a silent night, now I have a child.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Sinner are repent, but stupid is forever.

The early bird gets the worm, but the sexong mouse gets the chess.

Amateurs built the ark. Proffessionals built the titanic.