I Wish I Was Selected (Unemployment)

This is a personal rant to get steam off my chest. That's all this is.

I wish I had gotten unemployment.

I'm still poor (Poorer now due to cut hours), have a high risk of catching Covid, my job paid us no benefits/bonuses/hazard pay at all, and the workload got way more intense.

I see my friends on FB talk about how amazing their "paid vacation is" and how much money they made just by being home and playing video games.

I saw friends in similar circumstances like me now out of poverty or at least manage to complete a big monetary goal that beforehand was going to be impossible for them. Like, I'm very very happy for them I really am.

But now I'm overworked, stressed beyond belief, a rotting tooth in my mouth which is a ticking time bomb of pain, poorer, and I know I'm gonna catch this crap. And you know after this I won't get a paid 7 month vacation with an added bonus of federal aid.

I'm sickened with how jealous and spiteful I've become.
Catching myself about to say "Some of us weren't so fortunate to get paid to be home nor make more money by doing that" in group texts when people start talking about how awesome it is.

This isn't me and I hate it. But this has always been my life. Every time I'm about to make some forward movement out of poverty (Even a small one) something in life happens to hold me back. And this just feels like vomit icing on the crap cake.

I could have had a car by now rather than walking on broken joints that feel like someone took a baseball bat to. Everything hurts and my only solace is spending what little time I have to myself on petsites like these disassociating because being by myself with my thoughts means I think about how I got messed over.