NOT twilight (twilight spoof)

Mikenzee Jai


Chapter One: First Sight Of My New and totally unawesome life.
"Well this freakin ' sucks" I said to myself as my father drove me to all to unfamiliar home. My mom had gotten remarried to some guy name Bob and was sending me to live with my father in Lardio Whyoming. Not only was my dad a bad cook but he was PIG! Can you believe that? My mom was sending me to live with cop! How would i ever escape the all to powerful clutches of the law now? Well I guess I should just live with it maybe i'd meet some hot guys here. So I got out my binoculars and looked out the window to try and find some smokin' guys.

"Oh, Nora," My cop dad said "Were home."

I sighed, he hadn't even given me time to spot one decent looking boy. It wasn't fare that I had to live alone with a man that would not only never aprove of my dating choices, but arrest tham to. The guys I usually picked out were the so called "trouble Makers" with nose rings, spikey hair, and of course tatoos. (Lots of Tatoos.)I bet my Dad would automattically think they were drug dealers and handcuff them. Yup! live most deffinitly sucked right now. Besides Not all of them did drugs.


When we got inside I acted like I usually did when i was at my moms house I ran upstairs screaming "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!" then went into my room, slammed the door, than sat on my bed. After about thirty seconds I walked downstairs and sat on the couch. My dad looked confused for some reason so I gave him a funny stare and stuck out my tongue.

"Uh, I bought you a mode of transportation." He said like he was worried or something.

"You bought me a car!"

"Well, no." I frowned. If it wasn't a motorcycle I was going to stay in my room for THREE minutes. "It's well uh, why don't you come see for your self." He led me out side again and then he opened the back door to his cop car thingy. I couldn't help but wonder if he had got a prisnor home from work to pull me around in a wagon. Of course after wondering that I had to wonder if he had would the prisnor be hot. "Here she is!" He said. Oh great he had got me a girl prisnor. Just my luck. I looked over to see how ugly she was.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I exclaimed almost screaming my lip ring right off. "You got me a scooter!"

"Yup!" he said this as if he actually cared about me, like he tried to nice. "WHATEVER" I thought to myself. It wasn't even a cool motor- scooter. It was the kind little kids pushed around in the park with there smug little grins. I waved at him then headed back inside.

"Thanks, Daddy-kins" I said hoping he would notice the sarcasm in my voice. He probally wouldn't he was dumb. No! He wan't only dumb he was an officer of the law and even worse my DAD.

While in my room I put in a screamo CD hoping it would I honestly smell like poo the pig off. I banged my head in rythym to the music while thinking. "It's so deep man!" No one understood me like THEY did. This band KNEW me. Even though they never met me and had someone else right a good precentage of there songs they understood."

I didn't sleep well that night, even after I was done writting some poetry that I wasn't really sure what meant. The constant sceaming of the music wouldn't fade into the background. I pulled the blankets over me and eventually got up to turn the music off. I still couldn't sleep even then because my nose wring was a little infected. It wasn't untill after midnight that the swelling was gone and I could fall asleep.

Breakfast with Mr. Piggy was a boring and totally uncool event. He wished me good luck at school and I scowled at him. He left first to go arrest innocent people that were just looking to have a little fun.After he left I looked around the tackey excuse for a kitchen and wondered if i had time to trash it before school started. But, I decided if i was going to trash it i was gonna trash it good. He still had pictures of my mom and his wedding pictures up. Desperate little pig. Not only did he have pictures of him and my suckish mom, but he had pictures of me to. I thought it was kinda creepy. What kind of guy keeps pictures of teenage girl in house. If you asked me there was something seriously wrong with this cop.

I didn't want to go to school on time, but I couldn't stay in this crazy guys house anymore. So I grabbed my scooter and started pushing with my foot the four miles i had to go to school.

The school wasn't hard to find. I figured it be exactly what it was. A building that said "HIGHSCHOOL" on it. My lord didn't anyone have a sense of individuality anymore. I mean you think they could mix things up every once and awhile and call it a..a..a something different already.

I parked my scooter behind a bush and then went inside to get my schedule. I bet the names for the classes would be the same as everywhere else to. But, I put that aside and walked in to face my education.

Inside, it was brightly lit, like they were trying to convince us that this was a happy place full of light and joy. Well, I wasn't buying it. The office was an annoyingly small waiting area with folding chairss, ugly carpets, and awards on the wall that just screamed to be torn down and replaced with spray paint. Plants grew everywhere as if the room wasn't annoying enough as it was. The horrible excuse for a room has cut in half by a counter, that was cluttered with with wire baskets full of papers and preppy colored flyers. So this sorry school was unorganized to. They probally didn't even care about the students here. There were three desk behind the messy counter and one of which was being occupied by a fat red head lady wearing a purple shirt that made me want to vomit.

The fat lady looked up. "Can I help you." She was disgusting. I hated fat people.

$$$$$$

"I'm Nora Goose," I informed the hippo, and I saw the imediate disgust bloom within her eyes. I was a topi of gossip no doubt. Daughter of the top pigs flightly wife back at last to cause panic through out there small town.

"Of course," She said. She dug through a pile of papers, probally trying to find some crumbs that she could stuff into her fat mouth. "I have your schedule right here," So, The walrus had been able to take her obese mind off of food and help me out.

She showed me all the I honestly smell like places I would have to go untill I found someone to skip with, and told me how to get there. Then she gave me some note thing and told me to have all my teachers sign it. When she was done she managed to push the fat flaps on her mouth away just enough to smile at me. It was purely disgusting so I rolled my eyes and walked out.

I looked at the map, trying to plan the best escape root from each class. I sucked in a huge breath. I hate this I said to myself. No one here was going to like me. I finally exhaled and scwled at everything and everyone. It felt more like home that way.

I kept my face locked in my "I hate the world" look as I walked through the hall, crowded with teenagers. My black everything stuck out, I noticed with relief.

I walked into my first class and I could tell that it was going to be a living hell. The class room was small and worthy of me. The people in front of me waved at the balding teacher and I scowled at them. I looked at them. They were to girls, one was a preppy little blonde, and the other was an brunnete. Both of them made me want to stab myself in the jaw.

I took the note to baldy to have signed. He had a nameplate on his desk identifying him as Mr.Jar. He looked at me like I was some sort of freak. I took this as a sign that he already hated. For this I was glad. I went to the back of the class room to sit so I could stare angrily at everyone. I looked at the reading list he gave me. It was full of a bunch of dead guys names. I wondered if I could print some good essays off the internet. I went through differnt arguments with the teacher in my mind incase he would figure me out.

When the schools belle rang a scrawny nerd walked over to me like he might talk to me. He looked like the type that didn't really get people that hated the world and would give me a "Jesus loves You" talk if I said anything even slightly negative.

"Your Nora Goose, right?"

"Right-O captain pants-to-high." I said ending it with a cheesey smile.

"Where be your next class?" Oh, my good why hadn't some one shot this kid!

"Where ever the hell I want it to be!" Then he went on to some rant about the importance of not swearing. I sucker punched him and walked towards my next class.

The rest of my day was totally pointless. A bunch of kids kept aking me how I liked it here. I tried not to punch them to, but some people did lose a few little teeth that day. I felt that they really only had there meaningless selves to blame.

One chick that wasn't all annoying sat next to me at lunch. She was short and I could easily through her into a trash can if I got to annoyed with her. She ranted on about stuff like teacher and homework while we ate the disgusting crap the school had given us. It was then that I first saw them.

They were sitting on the otherside of the room as far away from me as possible. There were five of the beautifull creatures.

They were beautifull. Of the three boys one was big and what was left of his hair was dark and curly. Another was taller and a honey blonde that would have made me want to puke if it was on any other one. The last was smaller and had perfect bronze hair.

The girls were opposites. The one was tall and blonde and had the kind of body you only see in the best horror movies.Her hair was golden and falling out as I stared. The shorter one had black hair that was tangled in leaves.

They were all so different and yet perfectly alike. Everyone of them was a moldy green. They all had large eyes. There skin was rotting away. They were the most incredible things I had ever seen.They were all falling apart. The tall boys head was disconnected rom his body rolling around the table, the to girls were trying to put the blondes arm back on, and the other boys were fighting over a hand.

Then the small, black haired girl got up and walked into a wall with the kind of movment that belonged on Shaun of the dead. my eyes darted back to the others who's perfectness remained unchanged.