Awesome Quotes


if you ask a stupid question, you'll get a stupid answer.

to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

a person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

if practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why practice?

truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.

the only way to have a friend is to be one.

smile...it confuses people.

the moment you doubt yourself is the moment you fail to succeed.

don't cry for anyone who won't cry for you.

you laugh because i'm different, i laugh because you're all the same.

a life? cool! where can i download one of those?

trust takes years to build but only seconds to shatter.

if at first you don't succeed, failure might be your thing.

i hear voices and they don't like you.

achieving starts with believing.

in order to succeed, you must be willing to fail...

love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them enough not to.

there is no such thing as strangers, only friends that we haven't met yet.

everybody laughs in the same language.

after all is said and done, more is said than done.

eat right, excercise regularly, die anyway.

there are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't.

don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

no man deserves punishment for his thoughts.

a friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

is your refrigerater running? well then you'd better go catch it!

it's cute how you think i'm listening.

never look down on someone unless you're helping them up.

don't follow in my footsteps. i run into walls.

No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Things are only impossible until they are not.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

What's another word for synonym?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

War determines not who is right, but who is left.

Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If the psychic hotline really was... wouldn't they call you?

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma!

It's OK to be social, just don't tell anyone about it.

If it ain't broke, you need more software.

"Everything has a purpose" he said for no reason at all.

I'm not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am...

A mighty oak is the result of a nut that held its ground.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Despite the rising cost of living, it remains a popular activity.

Trying is the first step to failing.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Quantum mechanics: the dreams that stuff is made of.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Start planning today, to be spontaneous tomorrow.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Why is a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

All generalizations are false.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Life would be much easier if I had the source code.

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Yeah, dude, whatever.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Never put your finger where you wouldn't put your nose.

Disclaimer: I'm not as smart as I think I am.

I started with nothing and have most of it left.

I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?

If you lack enemies, you are not doing something worthwhile.

Life is the school. Love is the lesson.

Not a morning person doesn't even begin to cover it.

This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me!

Today's mighty oak is just yesterdays nut.

To know, To will, To Dare & To keep silent.

YESTERDAY was the last day for complaints.

Your silence will not protect you.

Age & treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal.

I know there's a Hell- I work in retail.

I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

I'm not tense...just terribly, terribly alert.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Instead of being born again, why not just grow up?

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

No. My powers can only be used for GOOD.

Whoever says that the small things don't matter should try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.

Love your enemies, it gets them really confused.

Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.

Minds are like parachutes...They only function when open.

My mind wandered..and never came back.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Next mood swing... 6 minutes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

Saw it...Wanted it...Had a fit... GOT IT!

SMILE...If you're not wearing underwear.

They are not hot flashes...They are power surges.

HI. I don't remember your name either.

I live in another dimension, but have a summer home in reality.

It's been lovely but I have to scream now.

"The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first."

I can only please one person per day, and I choose ME.

Chaos, panic & disorder.... my work here is done.

Change is inevitable. Struggle is an option.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

Control your destiny, or someone else will.

Don't believe everything you think.

Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.

Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

Hard work never hurt anybody, but why take chances?

If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

If what you seek, you find not within. You will never find it without.

Friends don't set friends on fire.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING.

Friends are flowers that never fade away.

Keybaord (n.): Instrument used to enter errors into a computer.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Age is just an attitude.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Headaches are all in your mind.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I went to school to become a wit, I only got halfway through...

I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.

I used to be Schizophrenic, but we're better now.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

I plead contemporary insanity.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your lower half unprotected.

Money is how people with no talent keep score.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I thought I wanted a career... Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Like Daddy always said: if you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

The silly poster / he writes really bad haiku / readers all go mad.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

All information in this post is true in some sense, false in some sense, and meaningless in some sense.

The more I learn about the Internet, the more amazed I am that it works at all.

The difference between insanity and genius is measured only by success.
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

People who urge you to be realistic generally want you to accept their definition of reality.

If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

I used to have a cool sig but people replied to it more than they did my comments.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything then I regain consciousness.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

There is no such thing as good luck. There is only misfortune and its occasional absence.

It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?" The only people I hear using that language are teenagers.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I tell him, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, I tell him, "Probably because of something you did."

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

There are three types of people in this world - those who can count, and those who can't.

Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get me.

Hello, I am a signature virus. Please add me to the bottom of your sig and help me take over the world! Resistance is futile.

I don't suffer from stress, I'm a carrier.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

I can only please ONE person per day. TODAY IS NOT YOUR DAY.

Good judgement comes from experience, Experience comes from poor judgement.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. YOU CHOOSE!!!

Having abandoned the search for the truth, I am looking for a good fantasy.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those that think there are two kinds of people in the world, and those that know better.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?

I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends wouldn't talk to me...

Notice: Your mouse has been moved. Windows will now restart so this change can take effect.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did they expect the horses to do, anyway?

Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs: The title, before they expelled Gassy.

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together