My mom died today

At 6:45 pm est my mom died. She had stage 4 emphysema and honestly it's a mixed thing. It was a blessing for her, she was smothering to death slowly for the past year and a half. Her body simply wasn't getting enough oxygen. I took care of her for the first 3 or 4 months, then she told me not to anymore. I saw her two days ago, and knew she was not going to last much longer. Her brain was so oxygen starved that she was delusional and well it was bad. Of course it goes without saying I'm heartbroken. I'm thankful my husband Tim is here with me to help me through this. He doesn't know what to do for me, and I understand that, but I appreciate him just being here. He's doing the best he can and I am so thankful that I have him to lean on. In a way I'm also thankful that her suffering is over. I didn't want her to suffer, but I didn't want her to go either. Her suffering was bad, so bad that it destroyed me to see it.

Ended my engagement again...

This time it feels permanent. He came home from visiting his sister and says he's done. She told him to break up with me and he decided that's best. He moved out, but his stuff is still here for now. While that's not what I want, and not fine with me, that's ok. I decided that I'll smile, wish him a good life, and move on. Then his sister starts attacking me on social media, calling me names and just well being her. How much pain does anyone really expect me to take? I lost everything, the man I was going to marry, the life I wanted, having someone who I loved and who loved me... that's ok. Life goes on and I'll come out stronger and better than before.

Edit: Jan 19, 2019

Have my nephew tonight, we had some fun He made me laugh, but he almost made me cry. I was talking to his dad about Tim and how I just don't understand what went wrong and why no one ever seems to want to love me. His dad said "Tim seemed to love you so much, he's stupid for listening to his family." And I was crying, well let's face it when I'm alone I cry too much... so anyways Larissa gave me a hug and I felt worse for crying in front of the kids. Larissa and Jordan went home and Aiden told me out of the blue "Don't worry Danielle. I love you. I will live with you so you're not lonely. I won't be your husband, but I'll be your stepson!" I told him thank you but Daddy would miss him too much, and he said "Well I know someone will love you as much as I do, but no one will ever love you more than I do." This from a little boy who almost never hugs, almost never says "I love you."