Desmond's Funeral 9-19-08

Warning- this is long and sad, and I'm just pouring out my heart.
On Wed. night Sept. 17th, 2008. I found out some good friends of mine, Matt and Emily, lost there son,Desmond, just as she was to give birth to him. A senseless, and horrible loss.

I've been crying all day. They had an open casket. He looked like he was sleeping. Perfect little hands. Chubby cheeks. He had his arms next to head just like the way my son used to sleep. The casket was just a little longer than your average cooler.

I got inline to view Desmond, and say a word to Matt and Emily.I tried to say something or anything to them, but just started sobbing on Matt's shoulder.
I managed to choke out that he was beautiful and that I was so sorry. I was the only guest to lose it.
I left the sanctuary, and completely did the loud crying uncontrollable sobbing into my husbands shoulders.The kind where you can't control your breathing. I tried to be strong for them, and failed miserably.

They had each read letters they wrote to Desmond. Emily's first sound she heard after giving birth was Matt crying out. They held him for 3 hours. Just wishing and hoping and praying that breath would come into his body. Matt would have given his life so that his son could live.
A senseless loss. To a couple who didn't deserve it.

We went to the grave site, and I watched as they lowered him into the ground. The family put roses on the casket, and Matt shoveled the dirt onto the casket. It was so heart wrenching.
After that people began to go back to the church. Again I tried to say something, anything, instead I sobbed again.

Afterwords was a lunch. And my husband and I stayed till there was almost no one but family left.
And finally I was able to say what I wanted to say, and then I sobbed.
I told them I didn't understand the depths of their pain, my miscarriage didn't begin to compare. But I knew I had needed to talk. And sometimes I'd wake up late at night, and had no one. I told Emily, even at 2 in the morning, I was there to listen. She was Not to be afraid of waking anyone up, or inconveniencing me. 2 am, middle of the day. I have no advice to give, but I listen very well.
And that she might get to a point where, the people around her may not want to talk about her pain anymore, because they don't understand. I told her, in that regard I do. And that she can talk to me 1000 times, and I would still listen even more.
And the only suggestion I made was to get a support group. I didn't have one after Gabriel was born, and wish I had.

I continue to cry. My heart is so heavy. I'm taking this so badly.
I was so excited for the precious gift of joy they were supposed to have, and how it has turned into such a nightmare.
I didn't cry this much when I had the miscarriage. I haven't cried this much since my son was born.
The sobbing urges keep trying to break out. But I hold them back.

I can't stop asking why. Why like this? If God wanted Desmond so badly, why not 4 months earlier? Why not 6 months from now in a car crash? Why now? Why like this? To take him on the eve that they were to meet their son? To give birth to him already dead?